Mr Chicken and the Chamber of Secrets
by Revliledpembroke
Summary: Harry's looking for a place to teach the DA Defense. He needs someplace large, hidden, and it can only allow access to certain people. What better place than the Chamber of Secrets? Ron and Ginny do not agree with him.


AN: Hello, and welcome to another edition of "My Stream of Consciousness," the part of the show where I type out a whatever appears in my thoughts. Oh, I've forgotten something...

Harry Potter all belongs to JK, though I wish it didn't. She's done some weird things with it that I don't entirely approve of, but it's her story. Anyway, onwards!

* * *

Harry was having a miserable day. This was sadly not out of the ordinary for the young lad, but things had definitely taken a turn for the worse ever since that horrendous toad woman started teaching "Defense" class. He was just glad that Hermione had convinced him to help teach some of the other students, so they could once more actually learn something about Defense.

"Bloody Umbridge" thought Harry. "When she asked who would try to hurt children, I should have just pointed at my scar and said 'No idea. Grindelwald? Any number of other Dark Lords in history, some of whom attacked this very school. What about giants? Acromantulas? Trolls? Blast-Ended Skrewts? Professor Binns goes on and on about Goblin Rebellions. What if there's another one?' Oh well, that's in the past. No use beating myself up about it too much. Now... where should we hold the meetings for this Defense club? Somewhere private, secluded, and where we won't be easily found thanks to that stupid decree. Where might that be?

The common rooms won't work, not with member from multiple houses. And the common rooms are far too public, anyway. Unused classrooms are not an option, as just anyone could walk in. No, we definitely need some place that only a few can access. Where could that be? The Shrieking Shack? No, too public. Anyone could see us walk towards it. Fluffy's corridor might work, except that's probably closed off by now, and I don't even want to think about what would happen if the Devil's Snare has been removed. So where does that lea-?

Harry was struck by an interesting idea. One that had the potential to be quite terrible. He would have to run the idea past a couple of people to gauge their reactions. He had a feeling though that Ron and Ginny would not be pleased. He could almost feel the bats from Ginny's Bat Bogey Hex attacking him for daring to suggest such a thing. But it made sense. It was perfect!

* * *

Harry was unfortunately very right about both Ginny's and Ron's reactions to his idea. He was currently fending off several bats as the siblings shouted at him. Fortunately, he had enough foresight that he had moved their... discussion to a more out of the way locale. He even used silencing spells to hopefully muffle the impending outburst of the Weasley tempers. Sadly, he hadn't thought about silencing his friends or taking their wands from them. Thus the bats.

Funnily enough, it had started off so well. He asked to talk with them alone, ushered them to an abandoned classroom, cast the spells he had prepared (well, to be honest, had Hermione look up when he told her his idea. She was very agreeable because she understood completely) while ignoring their pointed questions about why he wanted to talk with them, and managed to sit them both down and began speaking to them.

"Ron, Ginny, I had an idea that I figured might upset you, so I decided to have this conversation in this abandoned classroom that I've soundproofed so no one can overhear us. Now, I think I figured out where we can practice defensive spells."

"Brilliant, mate. But why do you think this would upset us? Where is this place?" was Ron's contribution.

"Uh... well..."

"Spit it out already!" this came from Ginny.

"Well, you see, ITSTHECHAMBEROFSECRETS!"

"I'm sorry, what was that? My best mate couldn't be suggesting having my little sister return for weekly meetings to a place where she nearly died. That wouldn't make any sense."

Harry took a deep fortifying breath and let it out.

"Yes, Ron, that's exactly what I'm suggesting."

And that's where everything went to Hell.

"MUCOSA" was all Harry heard before Ron started screaming at him and then the bats started swarming his face.

* * *

Oh, right, they're still screaming at him. He'd been so deep in his thoughts, that he had almost forgotten.

"HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK ABOUT MAKING MY SISTER GO BACK TO THAT PLACE!?"

"HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK ABOUT MAKING ME GO BACK TO THAT PLACE!?"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NIGHTMARES SHE HAD ABOUT THE CHAMBER?! SHE COULDN'T SLEEP THROUGH AN ENTIRE NIGHT FOR OVER A MONTH!"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NIGHTMARES I HAD ABOUT THE CHAMBER?! I COULDN'T SLEEP THROUGH AN ENTIRE NIGHT FOR OVER A MONTH!"

Harry was very much surprised at the echo that had appeared. He wasn't aware that Ginny and Ron could agree on something other than Quidditch. Normally, they were such different people. Glad that he managed to help at least help them grow closer together, he waited a bit longer until they were out of breath and less likely to cast another spell at him.

Eventually, they calmed down a bit and Ginny even apologized and vanished the bats. Harry thanked her and took this as his cue to speak.

"Listen you two, I know the Chamber is an awful place. I too nearly died there. However, it's large, secret, and no one other than me or Voldemort can open the entrance, and if Tom is opening up the Chamber, we have bigger problems to worry about."

"Ugh, you're right Harry, it does have a few things going for it. I just wish to spare Ginny as much harm as possible."

"I understand that Ron, and I don't wish to unreasonably cause harm to my friends either. This is just an idea I had. It doesn't have to be the final option. We don't know what kind of condition it's in. What if that basilisk I killed is still down there, rotting, and makes the place stink so bad that we can't stand it? I just brought it up to see your reactions. Ginny, you've got a funny look on your face, what's up?"

"Just, coming to terms with it all I guess. I agree, the Chamber does have merit as a secret place to study. However, when you go down to check it out, I want to go to. I think I need to face it all again before I can really put it behind me."

"Fair enough. When do you want to go down, Ginny?"

"Now wait just a minute! Ginny, you can't go down there again!"

"And what if I do, Ronald? Are you going to stop me?"

"I- *sigh* just be safe. Take care of her Harry?"

"Naturally."

"Glad you saw reason Ron. And Harry, I can take care of myself, alright?"

"I'm well aware of that Ginny, your Bat Bogey Hex clearly showed me that you are capable of taking care of yourself." Ginny flushed a bit at that, while Ron stifled a snicker. "I just want you to know that I will be there, should you need anything."

"Alright, when will we do this?"

"Tonight?"

"Sure."

"Do you want in, Ron?"

"No... actually, yeah, because I am NOT explaining to Hermione why we decided to go into the Chamber of Secrets."

* * *

 **Later that night**

"You know, these trips out at night are going to get really difficult pretty soon, with all of us growing as much as we are. Lucky really that you're so small, Ginny."

"I wouldn't need to be if you weren't as big as Hagrid, Ron."

"Shut it, you two. We're here."

As Harry pulled the cloak of, Myrtle made her appearance. As Harry really did not want to have to deal with a ghost that fancied him (dealing with Cho was bad enough), Harry told her that clear off, as they were doing something secret that was frankly none of her business. That did the trick, and soon the melancholic ghost disappeared to wherever she went when she wasn't haunting her bathroom.

"That was rude, Harry."

"I know, Ginny, but I really don't want to have to deal with her tonight. I figure we have on our plate without adding her as well."

"Fair enough. Just don't complain when she manages to flood this bathroom when we come back up."

"Right, I won't. Alright, are you two ready for this?"

"Yep" came Ron's cheery answer.

"As ready as I'll ever be" came Ginny's more despondent voice.

"Don't worry Ginny, me and Ron will make sure that we leave if you start to look overwhelmed."

"Thanks guys, but I can handle it."

"Alright. Here we go. Let me just look at that broken tap and _Open_. Hey, first try."

"Certainly an improvement over last time, mate."

"Hey, I was under a bit of pressure at the time, trying to save your sister and all."

"Which I thank you heartily for, Harry. You too Ron, you came with him and you both helped me get out of there."

"So, should we go down the slide or what?"

"Yes, Ronald, let's go. You first!" Ginny shouts as she pushes him down the slide.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" came Ron's diminishing cries.

"Well, Harry, would you care to go next, or do I need to push you too?"

"No, no, I'll go!"

As Harry met Ron at the bottom, Ron said "You know Harry, going down that is much more fun now that we know the beast is dead. Less chance for imminent death always makes things more enjoyable."

"Shit. I just had a horrific thought. What if the basilisk I killed wasn't alone?"

"You're right, that is a horrible thought. What should we do?"

"Well, the cry of a rooster is fatal to it, I think...should I try to summon a rooster?"

"It's as good an idea as any, Harry. Glad someone other than Hermione has some sense in your trio" she said, seeming sincere. Her next sentence had absolutely no sincerity and tons of sarcasm. "Also, I'm soooo glad we managed to think of that only now that we've reached the potentially monster infested chamber."

"Don't worry, Ginny, at least we hadn't made it into the chamber proper yet, where we could have come face to face with the beast or beasts."

"Harry, please don't say that. I don't even want to think about it."

"Fair enough. ACCIO ROOSTER!"

* * *

Hagrid was enjoying a large bottle of firewhiskey when he heard a sound coming from outside his hut. Curious, he opened the door a took a peek. Outside, a very startled rooster was floating in the air, drifting towards the castle. Hagrid was thoroughly shocked that such a thin was happening, until he looked at the bottle in his hand. Very mournfully and slowly, he began to pour the alcohol out of the bottle, muttering "I should not have seen that. I should not have seen that."

Inward, the chicken floated, contemplating its predicament as best it could, which wasn't very well. It floated there, serene as it could be, as it slowly passed into the Great Hall. There, it came across a highly amused Dumbledore, who was certainly looking forward to whatever prank the Weasley twins were setting up to annoy that awful toad woman he'd been forced to accept as a Defense Against the Dark Arts "teacher."

"Blasted Ministry" he thought. "Ah well, friend, let me cast a spell on you so dear Minerva doesn't see you. That way you can get to your intended prank just fine."

With the spell cast, the rooster continued along its path, narrowly missing Professor McGonagall chasing the Weasley twins after one of their pranks failed spectacularly and got her instead of Umbridge. The she-toad herself came was out, wondering if she could stick her abnormally large nose into other people's business. Instead, all she got was rooster droppings on her head. She eventually retired to her quarters, being unable to find anyone (they all quickly ran once they saw her. Umbridge was too busy dreaming about Minister Fudge), and remained unaware of the rooster's little mess until breakfast the next morning, when Argus Filch informed her that she had something in her hair.

The main event was about to occur, but one final meeting was fated to happen. Professor Sybil Trelawney had been at the cooking sherry again, and she was having quite a time trying to find the way back to her tower. Somehow, she had gotten so thoroughly lost she found herself near the second floor girls' lavatory.* She paused to gather her bottles (and her wits), before she saw something her eyes could not believe. There, nearing the end of its long and improbable journey, was the rooster. The rooster had gotten quite rattled on its journey. The minute it saw Trelawney in all her strange get up, it figured it was about to sacrificed to some sort of moldy Babylonian god. So it started making as much as a fuss as it could. Sadly, the spell limited the rooster to making a relatively quiet "Err-Err-Err-Err" sound** instead of his beautiful, full-volume "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"

For a good reason, this really seemed to get to Trewlaney. She stopped dead as she recognized this omen, second only to the Grim as a symbol of death. Woe betide any who ate meat around this entity! Her face paled as she realized it was the sight she dreaded. "GHOST CHICKENS IN THE SKY!" she screamed and ran off, followed by a second, fainter "Err-Err-Err-Err."

This was, fortunately, the last trial for the rooster (Hagrid called him Mr. Chicken, a name that apparently came from one of the students) and he smoothly descended down the pipe.

* * *

Ginny, Harry, and Ron had been wondering what had taken the spell so long to summon the rooster, and were very glad it had finally came. They very carefully moved forward, keeping their eyes down and the rooster close so they could prompt it to crow. They had managed to negotiate their way past the cave in and the massive snake skins with only a little bickering. They nervously approached the their final barrier to entry, the door leading to the Chamber itself.

"Are we all ready? Ginny, are you doing alright?"

"I'm ready. Dunno about Ginny" came Ron's voice.

"I'm fine. I'm ready. Let's do this." Ginny's voice wavered as she said this, indicating she was very much NOT fine.

"If you're sure, Ginny, let's go." Harry took a deep breath, gathering himself before he once again entered the Chamber of Secrets. " _Open_ " Harry said, and so it did.

The three of them swiveled their heads around, as if trying to take in everything at once. Ron had never seen this area before, Harry was more worried about saving Ginny than looking at his surroundings, and Ginny had been possessed, so none of them had any clear memory of this place. They all quickly decided that if they did end up using it to teach Defense, they would have to do some redecorating. Using the statues, pillars, and especially Salazar Slytherin's statue as target practice for their spell work would improve the atmosphere tremendously. Finally, they approached the statue of Slytherin and the basilisk's almost stripped to the bone skeleton *(magical scavengers work very quickly, and without the basilisk to control the rat population, well) without incident. No monsters, traps, or any sort of danger whatsoever.

"You know, this is a bit quieter than I expected" commented Ron. "I was sure there would have been more monsters in here, what with Slytherin being a nasty bugger and all."

"Ron!" Ginny emphasized her yell with a smack directed at his shoulder.

"What? We all know he was, Ginny. And when did you become like Mum?"

"Well someone has to help her take care of the rest of you."

"Quiet!" cried Harry. "We're here. Now, I'm going to try to remember the password Riddle used. When I speak again, close your eyes if you hear movement and prompt that rooster until it makes a sound. Alright?"

"Sounds like a plan, Harry. Not a good one, but still a plan."

"Thanks Ron. Now go comfort your sister in case she needs it. My next sentence might bring back some bad memories for her. _Speak to me, Slytherin, Greatest of the Hogwarts Four!_ "

The statue opened its mouth and Ginny shivered a bit as some of her mostly forgotten and repressed memories started to come to the forefront. Ron slowly approached her, and then carefully put an arm around his sister, showing a surprising amount of emotional competence for one usually so out of touch with his own emotions. Ginny welcomed the contact, as it helped provide a stabilizing force, making it clear to her that she wasn't still possessed by Tom, that it was all in the past.

Sadly, such a touching moment between brother and sister could not last long, as they began to hear movement, ever so slowly drift from Slytherin's mouth.

"MAKE IT CROW! MAKE IT CROW! MAKE IT CROW!" shouted an understandably panicked Harry.

But an equally panicked Ron and Ginny were unable to do anything, and this second basilisk managed to unwind its way out of Slytherin's mouth. Once more, Harry Potter was facing a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, though this time, he didn't have a phoenix on hand to instantly heal any wounds he or his friends would take. His only plan, the rooster, wasn't working out, because it saw no reason to crow, and his friends were to scared to move. Harry guessed that there was more than one way to be petrified by the giant snake.

Harry also knew that they didn't have a back up plan; if that rooster didn't crow, they would likely all die here. No one would know where to look, as Harry had only told Hermione that he was going to have a potentially difficult (and loud) conversation with the Weasleys and wanted a way to keep people from overhearing it. They wouldn't show up on the Marauders' Map. It would take some time for them to be missed, and unless Myrtle started telling people (or a more responsible ghost, like Sir Nicholas) where they went, they'd have to wait until someone stumbled into Myrtle's bathroom to find the open entrance to the Chambers of Secrets. This would potentially lead to more deaths, as the uncontrolled basilisk would roam around, looking for its next meal.

No, they had to make that rooster crow! Harry began walking, slowly, ever so slowly, towards his friends, hoping to not draw attention to himself. His aim was to be the one to provoke the rooster squawk, screech, caw, anything to kill that basilisk. Since his friends couldn't do it, he'd have to do it himself. "Well, no change there" Harry thought to himself.

* * *

Rupert the Basilisk was actually quite the jolly fellow. While he and the other basilisk (named Dewdrop because their first master, Mr. Slytherin, was a very strange man) were trapped in their stasis for centuries at a time, he would always try think up some sort of joke he could play on whoever summoned him next. Once, he and Dewdrop pretended to be completely blind. They had nearly killed that particular Master when they both opened their eyes at the same time. That had been great. Another time, he had pretended to actually be afraid of his fellow basilisk! That had been perfect. The Master had thought that a basilisk would kill another basilisk if they looked at each other. How preposterous! If that were true, basilisks would petrify themselves if they ever saw their reflection. The masters could be so silly sometimes.

This time, Rupert planned to tell the Master that the only way he would do his bidding would be if he was given the Master's mate as a meal. He'd let the Master think he was serious until the Master actually brought his mate to be eaten, then Rupert would start laughing and truthfully tell the Master that humans give him indigestion. The look on the Master's face would be fantastic! As he made his way out of the ridiculous statue, Rupert began preparing exactly how he was going to inform the Master about his "condition." He was looking forward to it!

Mr. Chicken, however, was also looking forward to it. He saw the basilisk descending from the statue and thought "I shall sing him the song of my people! It shall be a great first step in our friendship." Without waiting another second, he let loose his best crow to impress this new friend. "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"

The basilisk died almost immediately, going limp the moment the song reached it. Its last thought was "That guy sounded quite friendly; I bet I'd like him. And so would Hazel. "

* * *

The humans in the group were so relieved, their knees stopped working and they collapsed to the ground. It took them several minutes of silence before they were able to ride out their adrenaline, fear, shock, panic, and other feelings and endorphins that had simply overwhelmed them. One they had, Ron noted something they really should have thought of before they went down the slide into the Chamber.

"Hey, how are we getting back up?"

*Sigh*

"I can't believe we were that stupid."

"I know, Ginny. I know. Let's walk into the entrance chamber before I do anything about that. Ah, he we are. ACCIO FIREBOLT!"

Fortunately, it was, by now, late enough that the Firebolt didn't manage to do much other than annoying the Fat Lady by waking her up from her nap as it forced her portrait open.

As the trio waited for the Firebolt to reach them, they all came to the conclusion that the Chamber of Secrets should remain a secret. Just in case there was another horror somewhere in there. By then, the Firebolt had reached them. They all awkwardly climbed on, rising ever so slowly up into Myrtle's bathroom. Once there, they ducked under the cloak, made it back to their dorm, and went to bed. They all vowed to never speak of this again.

The next day, Harry decided to ask Dobby if he knew any secret places in the castle.

* * *

AN: And Th-Th-Th-That's All Folks! I got this idea after I read one of the fics where there is one or more other basilisks in the Chamber of Secrets after Harry decide to go back down there, for some reason. The initial idea was just of someone summoning a rooster to them as it floated through the hall. The title of the chapter is a reference to an old Don Knotts movie. Toodle-oo!

*Moaning Myrtle's bathroom apparently moves, as Harry notes it as being one floor above where Hermione says it is (according to the wiki), but since the books say it's on the second floor twice (Harry runs up two floors to get to it from the Entrance Hall and in Goblet of Fire it says Myrtle's Bathroom is on the second floor), I'll go with that.

**That's a reference to a specific version of the parody "Ghost Chickens in the Sky" by Leroy Troy. It's on YouTube and fairly entertaining.


End file.
